Re: State of the Cinema, 2028

Dear loyal patron of the arts,

This report is to update you on the state of the cinema as of November 30, 2028.

The state of the cinema is... thriving!

The down-sizing of theatres has accelerated. Our venue now offers 52 individual screening rooms, with a capacity of 5 per room. Each 'viewing chamber' comes with a 40" screen, the latest sound-bar from BOSE and a lovely off-white couch from Temple & Webster. The lights remain dimmed and you control the remote!

We have continued our move into 'event-based' screenings with the live-streaming of Eurovision, the Olympics, the TikTok awards and Timothee Chalamet's latest Instagram live. These have proven so successful that going forward, live events will now be the only ad-free offerings available. All feature films in 2029 will include 'marketing intermissions' every 20 minutes to help the viewer make an informed decision at the box office.

We have also expanded our offerings for premium members. Gone are the days of collectable popcorn buckets. For only $5 more to your ticket, after each film, you will get access to a YouTube video explaining the ending. This came in quite handy for the latest Ari Aster film (spoilers, it was a commentary on capitalism). For an extra $10, a small bubble will appear on screen each time something morally-questionable occurs to clarify whether the director advocates for said indiscretion.

In March, the Supreme Court handed down its decision in the long-running 'Netflix vs Paramount' Warner Bros acquisition. In a surprise upset, Amazon emerged as the victor. With previously-undisclosed debts and mounting legal costs affecting both sides, the former online bookstore acquired all three companies for under $100 billion. We welcome the certainty this provides for the theatrical distribution of films. In that no new films will be theatrically distributed.

And finally in sad news, we've had to say goodbye to Bobby this year. After 16 years as the warm face at the counter, 'Box Office Bobby' will be entering politics to spend less time with his family. But don't fear, you won't notice any change when you purchase your popcorn with us. We've introduced Andy the AI programme to our point of sales. With learnt empathy, a bias to upselling and strings of code that aren't password protected, Andy will be able to predict your snack combo before you get a chance to leave.

We hope you can join us at the Boxing Day premiere of the Stranger Things prequel film Slightly Out of the Ordinary Things!

Long live cinema!

The Fleapit film poll of 2025 continues! Make sure you get your vote in!