The Great Minion Debate

There is a new Minion movie out. It's called Minions and Monsters. Some people find them incredibly annoying and silly, others think they are a joy and bring fun to an otherwise serious cinema. I couldn't bring myself to see the film so I asked two people to go instead and give their opposing thoughts. This is the great Minion debate.

-Matthew (founding Flea)

Meditations on the Minions, meta-cinema, and letting your inner child out to play
words by Charlotte Blyth

Minions and Monsters is a doctrine of creation. A manifesto for the modern filmmaker. A poignant reminder of where Hollywood began, and where we are heading; and if we are heading for more bananas and little yellow guys, then sign me up! 

The film follows the Minions and their accidental rise to Hollywood success. After a meteoric ascent to fame as silent movie stars and equally as quick fall when sound is added to picture (the Minions inability to speak English proves a challenge), the Minions decide to become independent filmmakers. Armed with a single film camera and a hand drawn storyboard, they set out on an adventure with enough twists and turns to keep you on the edge of your seat. It’s a real underdog story and establishes the importance of creating in the face of adversity and how creating heals the soul. It is once the Minions stop playing characters, and tell stories authentic to them, that they find true success in Hollywood. A story that should be taken as Bible for all filmmakers. The Minions remind us to take off our masks, look in the mirror and show the world what appears in the reflection. 

When watching Minions and Monsters, it is clear that this is a film for the cinephile. At first I thought this was an interesting choice as cinephiles are not the usual demographic of the Minions franchise ( the Venn diagram of 8 year olds and fans of Charlie Chaplin's work is rather small). Yet, it becomes clear that this is an excellent choice. As someone who grew up with the Minions, it feels heartwarming to know that the creators of this franchise have chosen to age the content and themes with you, that my viewing experience is still important even though I’ve grown older.  

If you find yourself circulating in the Minions echochamber, then perhaps you heard whispers of a 15 minute sequence entirely in Minionese. Perhaps this sent a shiver down your spine, instilled a sense of fear in you as you debated purchasing the cinema ticket. Would you understand what those little yellow guys were speaking about as they communicate in a language that comes across as purely gibberish to the non-minionese speaking ear? I’m here to set the record straight. I didn’t even notice this sequence, and as I reflect on the film as a whole I still cannot place it. The reality is I was so immersed in the world, that for those 90 minutes, I was fluent in Minionese. To me, this is what is so successful about the Minion franchise. The universality. Anyone, no matter where they are from, no matter their level of intellect, can find joy and solace in a Minions film. Minionese is the universal language, and the Minion itself transcends time and space, able to not only just exist but thrive in any context they are dropped into. 

It’s also the kind of film that leaves you with more questions than answers. I will leave you with some of those questions to ponder:

1. How do the Minions reproduce if they are all of male sex (or agender/non-binary)?
   1. Are all romantic relationships inherently homosexual between Minions?
   2. Is sexuality even a concept within the Minion community?
   3. Is monogamy even a concept? Are they one large polycule?
2. What’s the deal with some of them having one eye and some of them having two eyes? 

So buy that ticket, and bring your inner child along with you to the cinema.

All I have to say to Benjamin Foster; your argument is entirely flawed. Minions are immortal. Do you really think you’re more powerful than Scarlett Overkill? Come on now.

would a minion pop or melt if i were to microwave it?
words by Benjamin Foster

If I had my hands on a minion, someone would think I painted my room yellow. These thoughts in my head about the little yellow fuckers have been circling for a couple of years now.    

So, when Boss Flea sent me out to watch the newest minion movie from Illumination studio, directed by the voice of the minion himself, Pierre Coffin, I jumped at the opportunity. Matter of fact I went the next day, 9:30am session, Miranda Event Cinemas, all by my lonesome.     

The film is bad, obviously. Unmotivated character choices, bland dialogue (or lack thereof), mediocre at best animation that only serves to look pretty whilst having minimal artistic intent, a score that melts into the rest of the incoherent background noise and a dull story. That’s about all the average person would need to know. It’s edited for the TikTok generation, somehow moving at a million miles an hour whilst also feeling slow and repetitive. The villain feels ham-fisted, and the two leads of the story are barely presented with a character arc. Overall, a forgettable and unnoteworthy film that will probably generate a closer to 600 million dollars in the box office.  

In response to Charlotte I think she is wrong, however I lack the brain power or time to write a thorough explanation as to why. 

So now with that done and not much else to say, I’d like to leave you readers with a personal, fleapit certified* list of every way I would like to end a minion. 4 in total. Please enjoy:  

1. Gun 

The title practically explains itself. I would like to legally purchase a gun and somehow come into close contact with a minion. Once in the close proximity of this minion, I’m tossing up between formally introducing myself or immediately shooting it in the head and be done with it. If I were to go the introduction route, there would be the possibility of me being able to lure it somewhere quiet and nice so that its death is a bit more pleasant. However, the thought of shooting the little fucker in the street sounds more exciting. Both options work equally in terms of my ultimate goal.  

2. Send them to the Elephant’s Foot 

Now technically the Minions might come out alright if we were to make them do this, but I’m more interested in the long lasting effects radiation would have on the little fucks. Of course we’ve seen them mutated before in ‘Despicable Me 2’ and ‘Despicable Me 4’, however I would like to see the effects on them specific to direct contact with the Elephant's Foot in Chernobyl. Give it five, maybe ten years, and we’ll have a scientific breakthrough seeing how fucked up the minions would look after that.

3. Do Challenger launch again but with minions this time.  

I don’t have a reasonable explanation for this one. I think we need that Big Bird moment that was stripped away from us back when they did the Challenger, but this time make it a group of dumb minions. Imagine what Minions 4 will be like. Also an effective method of cleaning up the yellow residue if there isn’t any to clean up.   

4.   The French way

As it is fitting for the little minions and where they originate from, the most simple and effective method would be a guillotine. Now the political connotations with this go far beyond what I am able to explain, so I’d like to leave you readers with some questions and hypotheticals. Where does a minion’s head start and end? Is it in the middle? Where’s the brain stem? Do minions have a skull?

I hope you enjoyed my list, I had much more fun writing that than the actual process of writing the review. This will likely be my first and last time on the fleapit. 

*Editor's Note: This list is in no way endorsed by the Boss Flea and are entirely the views of the author.

Pick of the Week
NAIDOC Week begins this Sunday, and with the far right on the march, it's more important than ever to show your solidarity and resist hate. Head to the Cinematheque on Sunday to see Radiance, or to Addi Road for Liberation Cinema!

New Releases: Thursday 2 July

• Silent Friend (Ildikó Enyedi)
• 100 Nights of Hero (Julia Jackman)
• The Good Boy (Jan Komasa)
• Jackass: Best and Last (Jeff Tremaine)